‘Laanat’ surpasses textiles as major export to EU in October: PBS

The PTI government caught a much needed break with regards to the economy as export figures for the month of October in FY 2019-20 showed a significant uptick, with the export of ‘Laanat’ surpassing the more conventional textile exports that the country relies on so heavily. Figures published by the Pakistan Bureau of Statistics (PBS) show that high demand for ‘Laanat’ emanating from major European Union (EU), particularly France, was enthusiastically met by ‘Laanat’ factories across the country working at full capacity 24/7 throughout the month.

While the industry maintains significant stockpiles of ‘unjustified insecurity’, ‘hypercritical judgment’ and ‘misplaced anger’ to ensure adequate supply of ‘Laanat’ to be sold domestically, the opportunity to convert these into exportable ‘Laanat’ rarely emerges, typically when a foreign country overextends its liberal values.

“We have so far exported 20 tons of ‘Laanat’ this month and are currently developing a new product called ‘Laanat +’, capable of delivering a more concentrated, longer lasting slow release dose of ‘Laanat’ with each hand palm put up in protest”, said one of the major producers and exporters of ‘Laanat’ of Punjab.

At press time, this scribe was waiting to be called in to start an interview with the biggest ‘Laanat’ producer of the country who had just finished his French Toast breakfast, lit a cigarette with his BIC lighter and was commenting on how the older Rafale Jets that the PAF had in its fleet were superior to the new ones India just got.